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Why I Don't Believe in Regrets
August 2018

When I was in law school, I allowed myself to be strung along by a guy who was no good for me. Truthfully, he was never serious about me, and there were times I'd say to myself "I'm so done." Then he would send me a text just before bed asking how my day went and I would convince myself that he cared about me. There was a point where I actually did walk away. But it was short lived, and I allowed myself to be sucked back into a delusion that we could make it as a couple. Eventually, of course, he broke my heart. 

 

I look back on that version of me in exasperation. I was educated, smart, generally savvy about people... and yet I "wasted" so much time pining after someone who I always knew deep down wasn't who God wanted for me. I used the term "wasted" in quotation marks because while I shake my head at that girl, I don't actually regret any part of that season.

 

Knowing what I know now, would I have made the same decisions in that season? Well, no, of course not. But given where I am now, I can't be mad at that girl. I know that I would not be the person I am today if I hadn't walked through that season. 

This is something I have felt strongly about for many years. I do NOT believe in regrets. If I could go back and change parts of my life, I wouldn't do it. Were there parts that hurt? Yes. Did I make poor decisions? Sure. Did I make good decisions that still resulted in heartbreak? Also yes. But every decision, every relationship, every circumstance has gone into shaping the person I am. And I wouldn't change the path I've walked to become the person I am.

 

Now, I completely understand that this is a lesson much more easily accepted when you're truly on the other side of a bad decision, a heartbreak, a hurt. In the middle of your questioning "why"?, it's much more difficult not to wish you could change something about what got you where you are.

 

But hold on. You're in a season. No season lasts forever. Instead of focusing on what you wish you could change about what got you where you are, focus on what you're going to learn from it, how you're going to grow from it. Imagine where you actually want to be and figure out how to use your current situation to get you there. Trust me, I get it. I've walked through seasons of hurt that I could have avoided. I've also walked through seasons of hurt that I prayed with all my might to avoid. But I don't regret any part of my life. Even the really, really difficult parts. And I've told Dustin the same. We took very different paths to each other. I was a "good girl." Dustin... lived a little more. But I wouldn't change my path nor his. Because at the end of the day, I am the person he loves because of the road I've walked, and he is the person I love so much because of his own road.

 

Don't waste time wishing you could change the past. Don't focus on relationships, jobs,  friendships, or events that, for one reason or another, didn't go the way you thought they would or, in looking back, the way you'd have them go now. 

 

Focus instead on the person you are becoming because of your road. No regrets.

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